ASK THE SMART GUY: Monthly column by Dennis Latham.
Cricket Mercer (far right), winner of the Miss Guilford 2006 beauty contest, asked the question of the month.
Question of the Month: Can
you name ten things that are positively true in life?
Answers: The Smart Guy replies:
1. A tornado can't form or touch down unless it hits a trailer park.
2. In the speed lane, someone will tailgate you no matter how fast you go. Once you move over they pass you and slow down.
3. Any truck or van with ladders will always drive 100 miles per hour.
4. If you get extra money, something you own or some close relative will break down.
5. No matter what you write, someone, somewhere will always tell you it sucks.
6. If you assemble any object that has more than eight pieces, you will say the MF word at least five times.
7. If you spill one ounce of any liquid, it turns into five gallons on the floor.
8. ??? Ed. Note: item lost in time & space. [JTC 2021]
9. Americans get blamed for all the problems in the world, from bad television reception to unrest in East Zibblestan.
10. If you live in Alaska, you're hiding from the law. Why else would you live where it's dark half the year?
Speaking of Trailer Homes: The Smart Guy uses New Guinea bamboo for added tensile strength to tornado-proof his elevated trailer.