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September 2005
ASK THE SMART GUY: Monthly column by Dennis Latham.
Always a fashion plate, the Smart Guy answers the question below at a Black Tie Geology Convention moments before the Cleveland college professor audience tried to lynch him.
Question of the Month: Where is the lost city of
Atlantis?
In answering this question, consideration must be given to the land mass existing
before present day continents. North America and South America were once
connected to Europe, Asia, and Africa. This land mass was called Pangea.
Geologists claim no people lived during this period. But how would they know
without being there? I believe Atlantis existed at this time and so did the
Pangea Bus Company.
A person could ride from Atlantis to Cairo in only three years and 27 days while
making stops at over 2000 redneck towns with greasy-spoon diners. One can only
speculate on the perversions available in the 200 major bus station bathrooms
along the route. One could also sit next to a brimming cornucopia of varied
races; all who would be overweight and have terminal bronchitis.
So when the continents split, Atlantis and the Pangea Bus Company fell in a crack
and became lost. My extensive research on fault lines and plate movement
concludes Atlantis is located exactly 492 feet below present day Cleveland,
Ohio.
A scientist friend of mine used to drive a semi-truck to Cleveland at night. His
boss told him not to stop for red lights and not to get out of his truck while
it was being unloaded. I figure Atlantis is about as lost as a city could
possibly become.
In the future, researchers may discover the fossil remains of the Pangea Bus
Company below Cleveland.
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