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July 2005 (1 of 3)
Make Love the Bruce Campbell Way
A Novel by Bruce Campbell
Thomas Dunne Books, June 2005
ISBN: 0312312601
Hardcover, 320 pages
You may recognize the name Bruce Campbell, but perhaps you are unsure as to why. Maybe this will help: Ash…The Evil Dead…Army of Darkness…get it now? Bruce Campbell is one of the most famous low-budget film actors (what we call B-movies) to ever walk the planet. While he has already written a memoir, Make Love the Bruce Campbell Way is his first novel. Bruce pits himself as the protagonist of this yarn and chronicles his fictitious journey into the Hollywood elite. While giving dating advice to Richard Gere and fashion pointers to Renee Zellweger, Bruce undergoes various adventures as he researches for his critical role as the advice dispensing doorman in the A-list film Let’s Make Love! Slapstick and hilarity ensue as Bruce is arrested for seemingly attacking Colin Powell, shot in the chest at a gentleman’s club, and nearly incinerated in an explosion. If these escapades weren’t enough, Let’s Make Love!, the film that is supposed to be Bruce’s big break, disintegrates into B-movie flare. Could it be true? Is Bruce Campbell a carrier of the “B- Movie Virus”?
Based on the preceding paragraph, you can imagine what you’re getting with Make Love the Bruce Campbell Way. The novel is a romp, and nothing is held sacred. I thought about writing a short story to help you understand the tone and style of the book, but then I realized—
(Ring)
Oh, excuse me. That’s my cell phone. “Hello?”
“Shaun, this is Bruce Campbell. How are ya?”
“Oh, hi, Bruce. Just fine. I’m in the middle of something—”
“Shaun, I just had to call you and tell you how wonderful your review of my book was. You are going to be a big star! Huge! In fact, I want you to write my next film!”
“Ah, really? Wow, that’s nice of you to say, Bruce.”
“I mean it, Shaun-my-boy! Not only that, but I want you to star in the film as well. I’ve never seen you act, but if you’re half as good at acting as you are at writing, you’ll take our film to the next level! I’m talkin’ Oscars, here! International stardom!”
“Wow. Bruce, this is a little too much.”
“I just had Brad Pitt and Matt Damon read for the part; they don’t have the sensitivity necessary to communicate the emotional struggle inherent in the story. Tom Cruise is begging me for the role. He even offered to do it for free. But you’re my man, Shaun! I’ll get the current script to you so you can rewrite it and then we shoot in July!”
“That’s not much time, Bruce.”
“Don’t worry about it. You’ll be fine. By the way, do you mind kissing Amanda Peet?”
“Ahhhh. Well, my wife—”
“I’ll have your wife and Amanda do lunch. They’ll love each other. Get to work, my little genius. I’ll see you next weekend for golf.”
(Click)
Sorry about that. Boy, that was embarrassing. Now, where was…
Make Love the Bruce Campbell is a rollercoaster view of the movie biz. If you enjoyed the slapstick delivery of Army of Darkness, then you’ll devour Campbell’s book with irreverent glee. This book in no way attempts to be serious or thoughtful (though I did enjoy the rare commentary on the superiority of B-movies), and you’ll find yourself giggling to the end. Campbell’s fans will undoubtedly be pleased with his comedic delivery. I’d recommend reading Bruce’s memoir, If Chins Could Kill: Confessions of a “B” Movie Actor, if you are unfamiliar with his sense of humor. That way you won’t be caught too off guard.
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