The Smart Guy levitates to a standing position after his wife told him to get his butt off the chair.

Ask The Smart Guy

Question of the month: Is there such a thing as real telekinesis?

††††††††††† Telekinesis is the ability to move objects with the mind. I have that ability. I gave an example to several veterans this morning at the VA Hospital. As I approached the front door, it popped open, amazing some people who were coming out because they thought maybe they had opened the door. As I approached the bathroom, that door flew open, banging the head of some old guy coming out. I apologized for my uncontrolled powers, and told him I was the Smart Guy. He just looked at me like I was nuts and tried to poke me with his cane before he collapsed and they hauled him away on a stretcher. I swear I didnít do it to him.

Once inside, the urinal flushed just as I finished. The sink turned itself on as my hands reached for it, and moments later, paper towels started popping out of a machine next to the sink mirror. The towels scared me because I had never been able to do that before. Obviously, the flashing red light on the towel machine was activated by my telekinetic brain function. I think they may have put it there as a test.

I told the doctor about these strange events during my appointment. He looked at me weird and then said the doors, the urinal, and the paper towels are all automatic now and I did not make them happen. Just like I canít really change traffic lights by willing them to change. I told him he was nuts and he should probably be arrested. In less than three minutes, the VA police came in.

ďI thought about them and they came,Ē I said.

The doctor told me he had pushed a button under his desk to summon them. The police escorted me to the front of the building, and sure enough the doors opened again. I told them I did it. They shook their heads and told me to leave and donít come back for awhile. Theyíre a bunch of Communists.

So to answer the question: Yes, telekinesis exists. Just donít try it at the VA Hospital.

At home protection for telekinetic activity: the Smart Guy has a bad habit of making toilet seats fly up and stay there.



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