The
Smart Guy as a Marine in Vietnam.
The Smart Guy
This
month the Smart Guy ponders military history. We always read about heroic
battles and the glory of war. Daily existence during any war can be full of
oddities, most of which are never reported. Here are two examples of military
history you will never find in the books.
Two short excerpts from Books
You’ll Never Read
Chapter 14
Captain Thornwhistle checked his troops behind the
barricade. Satisfied his men had stowed their weapons, he glanced over the wall
as Rebel troops, also without weapons, came in perfect file toward his Union
Regiment.
"Okay, men, get ready,"
Thornwhistle said. "We'll show these Rebs we can beat them even without
firing a shot."
His men tensed, awaiting the
assault. Thornwhistle raised his telescope and checked the rows of enemy
troops. He saw his counterpart, Captain Wienerhauser. They had shared quarters
at West Point and were Regular Army, not mere inductees. Wienerhauser had
defected to the Confederate side. They would now have to face each other to see
who was the best. Thornwhistle lowered his telescope, saluted Wienerhauser, and
motioned his men up over the wall.
"Can I go pee, sir?" a
trooper said.
"Stow it, private. I won't have
any slackers. Up and over that wall, now."
Yelling and screaming,
Thornwhistle's troops rushed toward the Rebels. Both Rebel and Union lines
stopped mere inches from each other.
Then, the Rebels began the exchange.
"Yankees is big blue
dummies," one Reb said, amid cheers from his regiment.
"Rebs got cotton balls," a
Yankee sergeant cried, and the Union troops cheered.
Thornwhistle shook hands with
Wienerhauser; a thrill rushed through his groin as their hands touched.
"Great way to fight a war, huh,
Wienie?"
"You know it, Thorny."
"It's been a long time."
"Too long."
And they strolled off to be alone as
their troops continued exchanging verbal blows.
"Rebel girls got southern bells
in their heads."
"Is that your nose or a bayonet
lug, Yank?"
from
the novel:
Sissy
Creek: The Civil War Battle No One Mentions
Chapter 9
The army had reached the snow line in the mountain
range when suddenly the column stopped. Word of trouble was passed back and the
General came forward. He yelled and swore and pushed his troops aside as he
moved forward toward the source of the delay.
"Get that damn animal moving,
soldier," the General yelled to the man perched on top of his mount.
"I can't, General. It won't budge."
Swearing, the General stepped behind
the stalled pack animal and shoved. Suddenly, there came a loud, gushing, splat
noise, and the General was covered with what could be described as a ton of
runny, stinking feces.
The troops began laughing and the
column had to make camp on the spot so the General could take a bath. He could
be heard yelling as he moved back toward the rear of the column.
"I told that idiot back in Carthage that I
wanted horses not elephants."
from
the novel:
A
Crappy War: Hannibal Crossing The Alps
For Hannibal, an elephant with a gastric problem
created a logistical nightmare.
Send a question to the smart guy: smartguy@dennislatham.com
More Dennis Latham fiction
http://www.fictionwise.com/eBooks/DennisLathameBooks.htm
Look for The Bad Season in print from Clocktower August 1, 2006 online or
from your favorite bookseller.
Signed copies available on
Shocklines.
Send
a question to the smart guy: smartguy@dennislatham.com
More
Dennis Latham fiction
http://www.fictionwise.com/eBooks/DennisLathameBooks.htm
Look
for The Bad Season in print from
Clocktower after July 15, 2006 from Amazon or your favorite bookseller.
|
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